Again is really one of my oldest short plays. I wrote is sometime during undergrad at NYU - so before 2000. I believe I wrote it in 1998 but when the first draft actually happened, I have no idea.
It was accepted to be performed at the Brooklyn Lyceum in 2002 but wasn't performed there because of some schedule problems with the people involved.
So the first time it saw the light of day outside of class readings was at the Abingdon Theater as part of Lynn Thomson's Brooklyn College class presentation in 2005, in a very staged reading in a director/dramaturg collaboration project. This is the draft from that presentation - which is only slightly different from the original.
I must say that even though this short play feels really old to me - it still deals with a lot of the same issues and types of relationships I love to explore in my writing. And it references one of my favorite childhood books called Small Pig - which I don't think gets nearly as much attention as it should - a story about feeling out of place but finding the people to help you.
This play is easy to produce - the sets suggested are just for a feeling/mood - not to be actually realized.
It is man and one woman - and could range from twenties to mid-thirties.
As always, if you want to use it - let me know - erinkellyb@hotmail.com
Again
Erin Browne
(Clarissa sits inside a very clean tool shed big enough for the workbench and rowboat that sit near her. It is detached from the house but the house can be seen in the distance, through the rain. Clarissa is sitting on a stool over a carpentry counter painting in tools outlined on the wall with pencil. She first traces a tool hanging with a pencil, then she goes over the pencil with a pen, then finally with a marker before meticulously painting the tool shapes in. She makes sure that the tools are lined up in order in neat rows on the workbench. Clarissa paints more slowly and carefully than is needed. It is quiet except for the sounds of the rain. Joshua enters through the open door. He is dripping from the short jog from the house. He watches Clarissa for a few seconds before she notices him.)
CLARISSA
Hello Joshua.
JOSHUA
Hello Clarissa.
CLARISSA
So, how are you?
JOSHUA
Why did you leave me?
CLARISSA (back to painting)
Way to be blunt Josh.
JOSHUA
Is that blunt? Sorry I don’t know the etiquette for this kind of situation.
CLARISSA
How long did it take you to get here?
JOSHUA
About five hours. Traffic was light but the rain slowed it down.
CLARISSA
Did Mom give you some food or something? You must be hungry.
JOSHUA
She was surprised to see me.
CLARISSA
She was surprised to see me too.
JOSHUA
I haven’t been eating much lately.
CLARISSA
Yeah, me neither. Sometimes it’s nice not to eat.
JOSHUA
Have you been here the whole two months?
CLARISSA
I spent a while at Janie’s but she always wanted me to talk about it. Mom was just happy to see me.
JOSHUA
Why did you leave me?
CLARISSA
Back to that again, are we?
JOSHUA
I don’t think it’s an unreasonable question. You live with someone for a year and a half. One day they pack up all their things and leave without a goodbye, a note, your goddamned mail still comes to our apartment. My apartment.
CLARISSA
Josh-
JOSHUA
So, see, the thing is, that’s fine. You’re gone. I know that you’re ok. I think you’re ok. I just wanted to know why. And why did you do it the way you did? I thought I was at least worth an explanation.
CLARISSA
I’m sorry Joshua.
JOSHUA
Why did you leave?
CLARISSA
Deep down you know why I left Joshua.
JOSHUA
I wouldn’t have driven all this way if I knew why.
CLARISSA
I guess I don’t know why. I just couldn’t stay there anymore. I mean we were fighting all the time Josh.
JOSHUA
Stop saying my name like I’m a child.
CLARISSA
We were fighting all the time about nothing. Stupid things.
JOSHUA
We were both stressed out about work. Winter’s coming. So we had a bad spell.
CLARISSA
I know. I just needed to get away for a while, from work, from my friends, from you, from the apartment-
JOSHUA
Running away?
CLARISSA
When you were a kid did you ever read that story about the pig?
JOSHUA
Pig? Do you think this is a joke Clarissa?
CLARISSA
This pig, he loved to wallow in the mud like any other pig. But then one day he ended up in the city and he came upon some cement or tar or something. He though it was mud and so he wallowed, but this time he stuck. This mud or tar or whatever, it froze right up with this poor little happy pig in it. The pig got very scared and lonely. He couldn’t save himself. But eventually someone found this pig and chiseled him out. The whole concerned town came and got this poor little piggy out and hugged him a lot and took him back to the mud that he loved so much.
JOSHUA
What the fuck does that mean!
CLARISSA
I felt like that pig. But there was no one there to hug me and take me back to my mud.
JOSHUA
Running away was the most selfish thing you could do. You can’t story that away.
CLARISSA
That’s who I am Josh. You used to love my stories.
JOSHUA
You left me with all the bills, the dog. What about Jake, our dog? Remember Jake?
CLARISSA
Is Jake ok?
JOSHUA
Nice of you to care, now.
CLARISSA
I knew he would be safe with you.
JOSHUA
He whined by the door for days when you didn’t come home. He didn’t understand.
CLARISSA
I fell bad about it. I miss him.
JOSHUA
I miss your stories. Stop painting. You just ran home? Easy for you wasn’t it?
CLARISSA
No. (She stops painting.) I love you Josh.
JOSHUA
Oh, fuck you.
CLARISSA
You’re my best friend. As all of this was happening. As I was making all these decisions, the only person I wanted to talk to was you. But I couldn’t.
JOSHUA
Fuck you, Clarissa.
CLARISSA
You know me better than anyone Josh but lately I feel like I haven’t even known myself.
JOSHUA
Friends don’t hurt people the way you hurt me. You hurt me, do you realize how much?
CLARISSA
I know. If I could erase the hurt I would.
JOSHUA
I don’t believe you… I brought your mail with me.
(He takes a soggy bundle out of his coat and slaps it down on the counter. Clarissa takes the rubber band from around it and starts to look through it.)
JOSHUA
I kept your magazines because I figured you owed me.
CLARISSA (picking up an envelope and opening it)
That’s fine. I haven’t been reading much lately.
JOSHUA
Tanner told me you were taking pills.
CLARISSA
My dumb brother-
JOSHUA
I was worried about you. It’s not his fault.
CLARISSA
I thought you didn’t know where I was.
JOSHUA
I wanted to hear it from you.
CLARISSA
Well I’m glad he told you. No matter how much you don’t want to believe it, I didn’t want you to worry. I guess I just assumed you knew where I was. That I was ok.
JOSHUA
Are you taking pills?
CLARISSA
I just thought you knew me so well that you would know where I was. We have been kind of, I don’t know, talking in different languages lately haven’t we?
JOSHUA
Were you depressed when you left? I thought you didn’t believe in pills.
CLARISSA
See, this is why I’m mad. He got it wrong. I was taking pills. I stopped. That’s when I left.
JOSHUA
You were taking pills when you were with me?
CLARISSA
I thought I needed them. I took them about four months-
JOSHUA
Four months.
CLARISSA
Then I realized that they weren’t solving my problems, they were just making them seem less important. Running away wasn’t the answer but I don’t know. It’s all I could come up with. I just….
JOSHUA
I never knew? You lied to me for four months?
CLARISSA
I didn’t lie. They sat right there on the counter. I took them with meals. You just never asked. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it. Well, you at first, but then I got kind of ashamed. And then we were so busy all the time, and you never noticed-
JOSHUA
Don’t throw this back at me.
CLARISSA
I’m not. You have every right to blame me for everything.
JOSHUA
But I don’t.
CLARISSA
I know, that makes me feel worse.
JOSHUA
I don’t think we have talked about our “feelings” so much since we were thinking about moving in together.
CLARISSA
I know.
JOSHUA
I came here to get mad at you, but I can’t be.
CLARISSA
You should be. If you had done this to me, I would never forgive you.
JOSHUA
I’m just so happy to see you.
CLARISSA
I’m glad you’re here.
JOSHUA
Do you feel better now?
CLARISSA
Yes, a little. Mom and Dad treat me like I’m a six-year-old sometimes, but mostly they just leave me alone.
JOSHUA
Why couldn’t you just talk to me?
CLARISSA
I just couldn’t… I’m going to tell you a secret.
(Clarissa holds a newspaper clipping from one of the envelopes in her hand.)
CLARISSA
From the time I was about fourteen I have had this kind of inefficient stalker. See this envelope? It’s from Santa Anna, California. I don’t know anyone in Santa Anna, California. About twice a year I get these weird newspaper clippings with a postmark from Santa Anna. They are always bizarre beauty ads along the lines of weight loss gimmicks or hair removal. Really fucking sick right? I mean, it always makes me pause and look in the mirror the way these beauty ads do. Makes me look at myself a little more critical the next time I see myself, it embarrasses me that I sort of fall for it. Especially since they are addressed to me specifically. And they always have no return address, and in handwriting I don’t recognize say something like, “Clarissa, try this out.” They creep me out. I mean, I think that it is supposed to be a joke but a sick one… I have never been able to figure this out. The thing that makes me less scared is that this weirdo always sends them an address or two behind the one that I’m at. You know, Mom, Dad, Tanner, and I were always moving. These clippings always had at least one forward label on them. It gives me this false security that this person couldn’t find me. I figure it’s someone I pissed off in school or something. I’m not a hard person to find really. I’ve told friends about it but no one can figure it out, unless it’s one of them and they won’t tell me. Even my parents know. It’s weird. Life is a weird place.
JOSHUA
I always thought I could protect you. I couldn’t…
CLARISSA
I don’t need to be protected.
JOSHUA
You’ve never lived in a place for more than two years have you?
CLARISSA
Nope. Figures that Mom and Dad would buy a house and settle down once I left.
JOSHUA
Tanner told me that he thinks, that’s why you’re both afraid to fall in love.
CLARISSA
Is that what you think?
JOSHUA
No. I think everyone’s afraid to fall in love.
CLARISSA
I’ve missed you.
JOSHUA
We just haven’t been in love for a while have we?
CLARISSA
Were we ever in love?
JOSHUA
We were such good friends.
CLARISSA
Almost too good.
JOSHUA
I guess. Isn’t that enough though? To be friends who share an apartment, and have sex, and have a dog.
(She kisses his hand, as he goes to pick up the newspaper clipping. He yanks his hand away. Clarissa turns to her tools. She picks up a wrench and begins to trace it.)
CLARISSA
I’m twenty-four Josh. So are you. This shouldn’t be enough for us right now.
JOSHUA
My parents were married when they were twenty-four.
CLARISSA
Your parents are divorced.
JOSHUA
Your parents were married when they were twenty-four.
CLARISSA
I’m not my parents.
JOSHUA
Why aren’t things…
(He pulls the wrench from her hand and throws it out into the rainy yard.)
JOSHUA
I’m sorry I’ll get that, I just…
(Clarissa picks up a hammer and throws it into the yard making mud splash.)
CLARISSA
If you want to know why things aren’t easier, you’re asking the wrong person.
JOSHUA
How did the pills make you feel?
CLARISSA
They made me not feel.
JOSHUA
You know when I came home and you weren’t there, I knew. I knew that even though some of your stuff was still around, you weren’t coming back. This distance. Jake was walking in circles around his empty food dish. I think that I would have just sat there in the brown chair and died if Jake hadn’t been around. I walked him and fed him. Even though I wasn’t eating or sleeping or going to work, I still had to take care of Jake. Tears, yes I cried, tears would come out at these really weird times, liked during some Dunkin Donuts commercial or when seeing that tree at the end of the block and Jake would just lick my face and look at me. He knew you were gone too. I watched so much tv. But I couldn’t just shut it out. You not being there just hung around the air like the smell of cookies baking. I would expect you to come out of the bathroom in your pajamas with your face blushing from steam and your hair cool and wet and smelling like shampoo. In the shower I would pour your shampoo into my hands just to smell it. Someone becomes so familiar, when they aren’t there you can feel their absence. I bought bananas at the store even though I’m allergic to them. It was habit. I know you like them on your cereal. We hadn’t really been talking those last couple months but you were still there. Before you left neither of us were there. It’s like I was asleep all the time. When you left, suddenly I was awake again. Tanner would call and check on me. He was a great guy through all this. I’d kind of forgotten how cool he was. He called me almost everyday at first.
CLARISSA
I asked him to.
JOSHUA
I know.
CLARISSA
I did worry about you.
JOSHUA
So what now?
CLARISSA
I can’t come back.
JOSHUA
I know you can’t.
CLARISSA
Will you stay for a while and have lunch with me?
JOSHUA
No, I can’t today. Can I call you sometime?
CLARISSA
I hope that you will. I don’t think I can live without knowing you.
JOSHUA
But you don’t want to live with me.
CLARISSA
I can’t.
JOSHUA
That doesn’t make sense to me.
CLARISSA
I hope it will some day.
JOSHUA
I want you back.
CLARISSA
Don’t wait for me Josh.
JOSHUA
This is all going to take me a while.
CLARISSA
It’s going to take me a while too.
JOSHUA
So are you going to stay here for the rest of your life? Live with your parents? Regress.
CLARISSA
I’m not staying here forever. I can’t think about forever right now.
JOSHUA
You can’t keep running.
CLARISSA
I don’t think it’s running anymore.
JOSHUA
Should I tell your friends to call you here?
CLARISSA
Yes, thank you.
JOSHUA
I’ll call you.
CLARISSA
Tomorrow?
JOSHUA
Sure.
CLARISSA
Promise?
JOSHUA
I hardly think you’re in a place to be making demands.
CLARISSA
You can say no.
JOSHUA
I’ll call you tomorrow.
CLARISSA
Thank you.
JOSHUA
Well, bye.
(Joshua turns around and starts to leave. Clarissa jumps off her stool and runs over to him. She grabs his arm. He spins around. She throws her arms around him. He resists her at first but then can’t and wraps his arms around her. After a few seconds he breaks away from her. She stands still looking at him.)
JOSHUA
Goodbye Clarissa.
CLARISSA
Goodbye Joshua.
JOSHUA
Tell your mother I said goodbye. I’m going to leave through the side gate.
(He leaves quickly and runs towards the house through the rain.
Clarissa returns to her stool and leans over the counter. She picks up the paintbrush she had been using. She tries to paint again but stops. She drops the paintbrush to the counter and collapses her face into her hands.)
BLACKOUT
