Poetry to My Ears by Erin Browne

As Valentine's Day approaches I thought I would post a short play about romance. 

Poetry to My Ears is one of the last things I've written and has never been read or performed. 

This shorter short play is based on real conversations I've overheard. And it makes me think about how much of my writing is lifted directly from life. I may be less of a writer than a recorder of real life with a pretty good memory for conversations. 

Have a Happy Valentines Day! 

Poetry to My Ear by Erin Browne

Characters:

Gretchen

Andrea

Soldier

Captain

  

Gretchen and Andrea sit cutting out hats for a small child’s birthday party.

Gretchen

What’s the most romantic thing you can think of?

Andrea

I can’t.

Gretchen

But there has to be something.

Andrea

I don’t know. He’s doing the dishes and then giving me a pedicure.

Gretchen

Yeah.

Andrea

What about you?

Gretchen

Don’t know.

Andrea

You do or your wouldn’t have asked.

Gretchen

I guess, like, seeing him more than once every couple of months, spending like a whole weekend with him would be amazing.

Andrea

You don’t get weekends?

Gretchen

Never.

Andrea

Hmmmm.

Gretchen

Too bad.

Andrea

Yeah.

Captain approaches Soldier who is tidying his bunk.

Captain

What is the purpose of this letter?

Soldier

Um, to please my wife Sir.

Captain

How did it end up in the mess hall?

Soldier

I must have left it there Sir, I’m sorry.

Captain

Well don’t let it happen again.

Soldier

I won’t Sir, I promise.

Captain

Don’t promise, just do it.

Soldier

Yes, Sir.

Captain

We can’t have this stuff getting into the hands of the other soldiers, they won’t forget they ever saw it like I will.

Soldier

Understood Sir.

Captain

Were you a poet at home soldier?

Soldier

No, Sir.

Captain

Why now?

Soldier

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, Sir?

Captain

I suppose.

Gretchen

You know what I really miss?

Andrea

What?

Gretchen

The smell of his sweat, the smell of him coming in after he’s cut the grass and being all sweaty and he sits on the couch and I get angry because he’s going to make the couch dirty and stinky but now sometimes I put my face right into the couch cushions to try to remember.

Andrea

That’s sweet.

Gretchen

But it doesn’t work.

Andrea

Why?

Gretchen

Febreze really works.

Andrea

Yeah.

Captain

So soldier.

Soldier

Sir?

Captain

What would I have to trade you for you to write a little something to my wife from me?

Soldier

Sir?

Captain

You know, to whip up a little poem for her.

Soldier

Uh, Sir I really only write for my wife Sir.

Captain

I could tell you a little bit about her and you could write her something like that there only about her and I could say it was from me and my wife would be very happy.

Soldier

Would she Sir?

Captain

She might be soldier and I’d like to make my wife happy without actually having to see her or spend any time on it.

Soldier

Well you’re spending time on this now Sir.

Captain

Don’t remind me soldier.

Soldier

Yes Sir.

Captain

So, will you do it or not?

Soldier

I guess I never really thought about writing for someone else, can I think about it?

Captain

No soldier, you can not. You will write this poem.

Soldier

Is that an order Sir?

Captain

Perhaps it is.

Soldier

Well then I guess I have to do it.

Captain

She has brown hair and is named Theresa, I’ll expect it at 800 hours soldier.

Soldier

Yes, Sir.

Captain

Thank you soldier.

Soldier

Don’t thank me until you get it Sir.

Captain

Well, just use this one for your wife as a guide.

Soldier

I’ll try sir.

Captain

Don’t try, just do it.

Soldier

Yes Sir.

Gretchen

You know it’s funny, he’s been sending me these poems.

Andrea

Really?

Gretchen

Yeah.

Andrea

He doesn’t seem like the type.

Gretchen

I know.

Andrea

Are they good?

Gretchen

No, they’re horrible.

Andrea

That’s sort of romantic though.

Gretchen

I kind of hate it.

Andrea

Come on, they can’t be that bad.

Gretchen

Look, if I’d wanted to marry a poet, I could have found one somewhere. I thought I married a man.

Andrea

Yeah.

Gretchen

Send them off to war and they get all soft on you.

Andrea

Funny.

Gretchen

I hope he’s not that way when he comes back.

Andrea

What way?

Gretchen

Poetic.

Andrea

Yeah.