But more plays by other amazing playwrights on the way.
Outsourcing is a short play by the fantastic writer Joanne Hudson. She is also the Artistic Director of Saltbox Theatre Workshop.
Here is the rest of her bio:
Joanne Hudson, playwright/dramatist_ plays/productions include Minotaur, with actor, Robert Vaughn, directed by Seth Barrish, Columbia Stages; unbidden for Iceland Fulbright, included in the Literature of the Westman Islands; The Absolutely Positively True Tale of Flóki and Lóki commissioned by the Vestmannaeyjar Iceland Library included in the Literature of the Westman Islands, Pop Art at HERE Arts Center andBirdland, NYFringe Festival. Joanne is a Fulbright Scholar in Creative Writing and holds an MFA in playwriting from Columbia University School of the Arts, where she was the recipient of the Brander Matthews Theatre Scholarship. Her poetry can be found online at qarrtsiluni.com and in print in Economy, published by Phoenicia Publishing.
This play appeared in the Torture Project at Columbia like the previously posted Lucky in Love.
As always if you want to use it please email me (Erin) at erinkellyb@hotmail.com and this time around please email Joanne at - joannehudson1@mac.com
Some play info:
Outsourcing - a man, a woman, a job, a big red button. 3 actors: 1 man, 1 woman, 1 torture victim (any gender) - run time approx. 10 mins.Outsourcing was performed by the Torture Project at Columbia University, directed by Rachel Chavkin
OUTSOURCING
A Play In One Act
by
Joanne Hudson
February 3, 2006
Copyright 2006
SETTING: An Office and A Torture Chamber
TIME: The present
CHARACTERS:
JANICE - A young professional. A Sales Associate. Smartly dressed,
tidy and efficient. A hard worker. Competitive. Ambitious.
DEAN - A young man. A guy with a job he doesn't much like.
Disheveled. Shy. A good worker, but not very ambitious by nature.
Just trying to get by.
NAKED MAN - A victim of torture.
OUTSOURCING, BY JOANNE HUDSON
(An office. Two workstations with phones and computers. A big red button in the center. JANICE arrives wearing a smart suit and carrying a brown paper sack. She sits at one of the workstations and opens her paper bag, taking the contents of her lunch out and arranging them on her desk. An apple, a nutrition bar, sprouts, a carrot, raisins, etc. She admires her food choices for a moment and then flips on her computer. DEAN enters. He wears a sweater vest and tie and glasses. When he sees Janice he sucks in his stomach and fixes his hair. He also carries a brown paper sack.)
DEAN
Morning Janice.
JANICE
Morning Dean.
(DEAN sits and begins to empty the contents of his sack lunch onto his desk. His food choices are much less healthy than Janice’s. JANICE eyes Dean’s Snack-Pack pudding.)
JANICE
There’s Benzonite in there.
DEAN
Is there?
(He looks at label, reading intently. Janice’s PHONE RINGS. SHE springs into action answers on the first ring.)
JANICE
(into phone)
Good morning, Doggiebow Enterprises! How may I help you?
(DEAN reads his label.)
JANICE
(a continuous stream)
Twelve hundred doggie bows?! That’s wonderful. Would you please tell me what kind you would like? What sizes, what colors, what widths, what lengths? Where did you first hear of DoggieBow? What did you think when you heard of us? Was DoggieBow right for you? What first made you decide that DoggieBow was the way to go for your doggie bow needs? Is there a specific reason you chose DoggieBow? What was it exactly? If you ever switch from DoggieBow to another brand of doggie bows, what do you think you will do then? Thank you. I’ll place the order right away.
(JANICE types. DEAN looks at her with admiration.)
JANICE
We’ll get those to you by the end of the week! Bye Bye!
(JANICE hangs up the phone. SHE slams her hand on the red button between she and Dean. A SCREAM is heard from somewhere off. JANICE and DEAN do not seem to hear it.)
JANICE
Woohooo! That puts me 17 over quota and it’s only the second week of the month!
DEAN
Wow, Janice, that’s great.
JANICE
You’ve just got to apply yourself Dean. Network, utilize your contacts.
DEAN
My contacts?
JANICE
Yes! Didn’t you collect any contacts at the Doggiebow Blow out Booze Cruise last month?
DEAN
I didn’t go.
JANICE
Well, you see? You’ve got to go to these things, Dean. The company is giving you every chance to network. Networking is the key. It’s the key to everything, Dean! Where would we be in this world today without networking? Dean? Don’t you see????!
DEAN
I get seasick.
JANICE
Oh. You’ve always got an excuse.
(looking at his computer)
JANICE
Aren’t you going to power-up your hard-drive?
DEAN
What? Oh, yeah.
(DEAN turns on his computer. Dean’s PHONE RINGS.)
JANICE
Opportunity knocks.
DEAN
You look nice today.
JANICE
Answer your phone, Dean.
(DEAN answers his phone.)
DEAN
(into phone)
Hello. I mean, good morning. Doggie Bow Industries.
JANICE
Enterprises.
DEAN
Enterprises. Doggie Bow. Good Morning Doggiebow Enterprises. How may I help you today?
(JANICE listens intently to DEAN while pretending to do other things.)
DEAN
(into phone)
We sell doggie bows.... Only doggie bows... Yeah, like the kind you put on your dog’s head... to dress them up.... Big dogs too..... Big dogs sometimes wear them, yeah-- We have big dog bows. What? Pink. ...blue....green....purple?
(DEAN looks to JANICE. JANICE nods at DEAN.)
DEAN
(into phone)
Yes, purple too. Oh, okay...well sure. Whatever you think. Sure.
(DEAN hangs up.)
JANICE
No sale?
DEAN
He wants to think about it.
JANICE
Dean, you can’t let people think about it. You’ve got to close the sale. You’ve got to close ‘em, Dean. Remember, there are no be-backs!
DEAN
Right. I’m sorry.
JANICE
Don’t apologize to me. There’s no skin off my nose.
(Janice’s PHONE RINGS. SHE picks it up.)
JANICE
Doggie Bow Enterprises, how may I make your life complete?
(JANICE’S HAND hovers over the RED BUTTON. As it does, LIGHTS rise upstage on a naked man strapped into a chair with car jumper cables attached to his genitals. He is half unconscious.)
JANICE
What? No. I hadn’t heard. Oh my God! When?! Are you sure, Demetra?
(pause while Janice listens)
We’ll have to go out for drinks after work tonight and you can give me the scoop. Do you think it will affect our division?
(SHE moves her hand away from the RED BUTTON. LIGHTS DIM on the NAKED MAN upstage.
JANICE
I just made quota and it’s only the second week! I just placed an order for-- Oh. Okay, call me later.
(JANICE hangs up and looks at DEAN.)
DEAN
What?
JANICE
Outsourcing.
DEAN
What?
JANICE
They’re outsourcing. Doggiebow has begun outsourcing.
DEAN
Really?
JANICE
Shhhhhh.
DEAN
(whispering)
To like...India?
JANICE
No. Uzbekistan.
DEAN
(not whispering)
Where’s that?
JANICE
I’m not sure. Shhhhhh.
DEAN
What?
JANICE
You’ve got to keep this on the down-low. Our jobs might be-- Management doesn’t want anyone-- If they hear us talking about it--
DEAN
Okay, but I’m sure they wouldn’t get rid of you, Janice. You’re so good at your job.
JANICE
Don’t you see? It doesn’t matter how good you are at your job. It’s the bottom line. Don’t you see? It’s all about the bottom line!!! It always has been, but even more now. I mean you can’t blame them. It’s just business. It’s not personal.
DEAN
It’s personal to you. It’s personal for the people that get let--
JANICE
Shhhhhhh.
DEAN
--go.
JANICE
Shhhhhh. We just have to keep doing our jobs. It’s just a rumor anyway. We’ve just got to keep on.
(Dean’s PHONE RINGS. HE answers it on the first ring.)
DEAN
(into phone)
Doggiebow Enterprises, how may I make your life more special with doggie bows?
(JANICE freaks out in various obsessive compulsive ways while DEAN speaks into the phone. LIGHTS RISE again on NAKED MAN strapped into the chair upstage. HE awakens a little.)
DEAN
(into phone)
Why not take twenty-five-hundred Doggie bows? It could only make you twenty-five-hundred times happier!
(DEAN’S HAND hovers over the RED BUTTON. JANICE cries. NAKED MAN looks around realizing his situation and silently cries.)
DEAN
(ecstatic)
Fantastic! We’ll have ‘em doggie bows out to you next week!
(DEAN simultaneously slams the phone down with one hand and his other hand on the RED BUTTON. NAKED MAN SCREAMS and writhes in pain. DEAN and JANICE do not hear him. DEAN jumps up and down for joy and whips off his glasses like Clark Kent. He does a little dance. Naked man cries. LIGHTS FADE on NAKED MAN.)
DEAN
I did it! I did it, Janice! Twenty-five-hundred doggie bows!!! Me, I sold em! Met quota in one day!!!!
JANICE
Good for you Dean.
DEAN
Don’t worry, Janice, you’re still the best sales associate Doggiebow has ever seen.
JANICE
Of course I am, Dean. That’s not the point.
DEAN
What is the point?
JANICE
The point is they are outsourcing our jobs to Uzbekistan. I think it’s already started. I know it. There have been signs I’ve chosen to ignore, but now that I think about it...
DEAN
Like what?
JANICE
Like last week... Jones...
DEAN
Jones what?
JANICE
He disappeared.
DEAN
He did?
JANICE
Yeah. At lunch. He never came back from lunch.
DEAN
People are always doing that. They hate the job so... Not that they should...I didn’t mean you, of course... You like your job, but other people who couldn’t hack it...
JANICE
Jones couldn’t hack it?
DEAN
I don’t know. Maybe he just wasn’t cut out to sell doggie bows.
JANICE
Well, it’s not for everyone. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give two weeks notice. I didn’t know Jones was that way.
DEAN
What way?
JANICE
You know....
(whispering)
Non proactive.
DEAN
Oh. Yeah, I think he was.
JANICE
You just never know about some people, do you?
DEAN
Guess not.
JANICE
Well, that’s why we’re here, isn’t it? Because you just don’t know about SOME people.
DEAN
Right.
JANICE
Still... Uzbekistan? We can do a better job than Uzbekistan.
DEAN
For sure. We’ve got all the latest technology. What do they have?
JANICE
I think the laws are more lenient.
DEAN
Hmmm. Increased productivity?
JANICE
Exactly.
DEAN
That’s the kicker.
JANICE
Yeah. Increased productivity is very sexy.
DEAN
Sexy?
JANICE
Yes, it makes our business model more sexy, more creative, you know?
DEAN
How are doggie bows sexy, or creative?
JANICE
If we say they are, then they are, Dean. Do you understand?
DEAN
Not really.
(pause, while he thinks about the sexiness of Doggiebows.)
Why do we push the red button?
JANICE
(alarmed)
What did you ask me?
DEAN
I was just wondering why we push the red button after we make a sale.
JANICE
Because that’s what we do, Dean.
DEAN
Okay, but--
JANICE
--Don’t ask questions Dean, that’s NOT your job!
DEAN
But that is my job, I have a whole list of questions here, I’m supposed to ask.
JANICE
Stop it, you’re confusing me.
DEAN
What do you suppose would happen if I pushed it now?
(DEAN pushes the red button, NAKED MAN screams and writhes in pain. Janice and Dean do not hear him.)
JANICE
Dean, Don’t!
DEAN
Why, not? See, nothing happens.
(HE presses the button again, NAKED MAN screams. Again, NAKED MAN screams again. DEAN presses the button again, NAKED MAN screams again. PUSH, SCREAM, PUSH, SCREAM...)
DEAN
See...nothing.
JANICE
Stop it! You’re going to get us fired!
DEAN
What difference does it make? They’re outsourcing anyway. You said yourself, it doesn’t matter how good a job you do.
JANICE
You do your job well because that’s what you do. That’s what good employees do. You don’t ask questions, Dean! You’re upsetting me very much, Dean. Very much!
DEAN
Okay, fine. Sorry. I’ll do my job, keep my mouth shut and not ask questions.
JANICE
That’s the way, Dean. That’s the way.
(THEY sit. The phones are silent. THEY look around. THEY look at each other.)
(Janice’s PHONE RINGS. SHE lets it go a couple of rings. SHE and DEAN look at each other.)
DEAN
You going to take it?
(JANICE listlessly picks up the phone.)
JANICE
Hello. Doggiebow Enterprises. How can I make your life more interesting ...with Doggie bows?
(LIGHTS RISE on NAKED MAN, bracing himself.)
JANICE
(less than enthused)
Yeah, purple, purple’s a good color. 1500? Sure you want ‘em, you got em. What? How the hell would I know?
(DEAN looks at her shocked.)
JANICE
Fine! Don’t take the damn bows, what do I care?
(SHE slams down the phone. Lights dim on NAKED MAN.)
DEAN
Janice, are you all right?
JANICE
My heart’s just not with Doggie bows anymore, Dean.
DEAN
Why not?
JANICE
I think I asked a question in my mind...
DEAN
You did?
(JANICE nods.)
DEAN
What question did you ask yourself?
JANICE
I just asked myself, “why?”
DEAN
Why?
JANICE
Yes. I think I want to go home now.
(JANICE gets up and packs up her things.)
DEAN
But, Janice aren’t you worried about getting fired?
JANICE
No.
DEAN
Aren’t you worried about doing a bad job?
JANICE
No.
DEAN
Will I ever see you again?
JANICE
No.
(JANICE leaves. DEAN pushes the red button. NAKED MAN screams.
LIGHTS DIM.
END OF PLAY.)
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